What a waste…

by John Curnow on 6 May 2017 I mean really! A nice, new, large and seemingly very well-appointed cruiser for you and your mate to saunter around the Northern Pacific in, and then you go and torch it. Give it to me, please. Naturally I do not want the contraband to still be on board, and if you wouldn’t mind, send the cleaning squad through it as well. Hate for any residual evidence to be left around, especially when you check in to Customs in the USA or Asia…

Can see it now. Got it cheap, man. Previous owner barely used it, and mainly did short coastal hops once a month on board her. Have to be akin to buying granny’s car that only went to the local shops and church on Sunday, wouldn’t you say? Then also if you think Ice should be sold to young people, then I’d ask that I’ll have mine made from hydrogen and oxygen molecules, not man made ones, and be either in my cocktail on board to mark sunset, or in the bergs as I check out the Arctic or Antarctic regions.

Now it was in reading the account of the adventure that I thought to myself that they seemed to have a very good set of risk minimisation parameters. We all need them when taking to sea, and having MOB and evacuation drills, and also rehearsing them, just makes damn good sense. Here they were torching the boat first, then locking the rudder over and steaming in circles at 8+ knots, so the Coast Guard could not easily put the fire out, and subsequently secure the loot. I mean evidence. Yes. All smelled of a very well conceived and executed cunning plan. Seven Ps for sure…

Talking of smell, the stench from burning GRP is woeful, and even remains incredibly stringent, well after the fire has stopped. If you plan on having a stock take sale, make sure you are nowhere around, because it is not pleasant. It was about then that I realised there was just the one flaw in the two gent’s plan. They jumped into the water in their clothes.

The Coast Guard is not going to stand to and watch you freeze, so why then not strip down, chuck your clothes into the fire and jump in naked, having a good scrub in the salt water before you were retrieved. Sure they might still get something from under your fingernails, but if we’re talking risk minimisation, then it has to be a good step. Perhaps a careful swabbing with acetone before you departed the ship might have improved your overall chances…

Yes a plan is key. I once heard of a guy who got caught importing cocaine in the heels and soles of shoes. What alerted the authorities was that during the scan of his bag they counted an odd number of shoes, and he was able bodied!!!

Then just this week, Cassie Sainsbury got caught in Colombia with nigh on 6kg of coke in a bunch of headsets from a guy she claims she barely knew, and did not check the contents of the parcel he gave her for herself. Yeah. Colombia is so well known for cheap electronics, you know!!! They can keep it all, boat included. I like my plan in an emergency to be make the Mayday call, pick up the grab bag, step up into the raft, and take my seasickness pill on the way in.

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